Action Station

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen

Ah… Michael Bay. They wrote a song about you and it was true. You love your explosions, cheap jokes and lots of girly flesh and boy did you deliver. Almost three long hours of destruction and humping jokes, Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen is a film probably best enjoyed by eleven year old boys who like sports and trucks. Which is a valid target market, just not one I’m currently a member of.

I did see the first Transformers film, but I am not a devotee of the tv show, so maybe that’s why I had such a hard time telling which side each Transformer was on, and even what their names were. I thought the good guys were colourful land-based vehicles and the bad guys were grey flying things, but then all these colourful trucks formed into a giant robot and the good guys started fighting it. Confused!

All I can hope is that they don’t decide to avenge the failed Revenge and subject us to another Shia LaBouf  pouting marathon.

Terminator: Salvation

If you are willing to walk into the cinema with the part of your brain that points out glaringly large plot holes switched off, then Terminator: Salvation is one exciting film. Sam Worthington as Marcus is the star, a charismatic relief to Christian Bale’s Shouty-Batman portrayal of John Connor.

So charming is Marcus that everyone he meets seems to fall in love with him enough to not notice his strange lack of present knowledge and the way magnetics like him a little too much. All Connor has going for him is his ability to knock up his girlfriend.

The CGI was so good it was barely noticeable, with the exception of some awesome Transformer-like Terminator-bots and one Uncanny Valley guest star. The fight scenes are pretty great, full of melting cyborgs and lots of things blowing up.

Oddly enough there is no time travel mentioned in the film, which may explain why Connor seems to have no memory of the events that happened to him in the past – or maybe that’d be the plot again. Oops.

Fanboys

Road Trip for the Nerd Generation, Fanboys brings the geeky to a standard teen movie. Dan Fogler as Hutch, one of the four Star Wars obsessed boys, reminds me of a young Jack Black and steals any scenes that Seth Rogan hasn’t already bogarted.

The film is set before the release of Episode 1: Phantom Menace and so the love these boys have is pure and unsullied. It makes the SW geeks like me nostalgic for that better time.

Unfortunately, it’s a bit too pure. The film could have used a bit more of a self-depreciating sense of humour and poked a bit of fun at it’s idol worshiping protagonists.

Watch it for one of the best cameo appearances I have seen in ages. Deep Throat Lives Long and Prospers.

Star Trek

How many times can you be hanging on to the edge of cliff, fingers slipping, about to plunge to your death? Three, apparently. That’s how many times this scenario happens to James T Kirk over the space of the film.

That’s a pretty good analogy for the film actually. It keeps slipping down toward B-grade schlock but then a completely awesome car chase or a brain-breaking conversation about time travel grabs those slipping fingertips and pulls it back to safety.

Star Trek doesn’t quite know what it wants to be. It has been touted as a reboot, a chance for a new generation to jump onto the Trekkie bandwagon with no prior knowledge of the universe, and yet a good chunk of the jokes rely on, you guessed it, prior knowledge of the characters. Watch it for Sexy Spock.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Hugh Jackman said he wanted to make Origins a character piece and if by character piece he meant ‘lots of back story with breaks for fighting and explosions’ then he certainly got his wish. The fights and explosions are excellent. Hugh got insanely buff for this film and the opening credits are worth it just to see Liev Schreiber on all fours pouncing at a soldier outpost in Normandy.

Wolverine’s original bone claws are kind of beautiful, but the film glosses over how the adamantium coating, which is meant to coat his bones, somehow transform these into blades. Hugh also tries for a bit of ’stronger-than-I-thought’ slapstick here but doesn’t quite pull it off.

Ryan Reynolds is a scene stealer as the wise-cracking Wade Wilson but it  is his disfiguration into Deadpool that is the one of the best moments in the film. Deadpool is my vote for creepiest villain ever. No mouth!

Taylor Kitsch is just about adequate as Gambit. It would have been nice if he had at least a bit of a Cajun accent, but the glint in his eye is right.

The love storey is meh, as is usually the case with action films. Why put it in there in the first place? Yes yes, he loves a beautiful woman and it all goes wrong. We get it. It’s how he gets his name. Big deal.

A lot of Wolverine’s charm comes from his interactions with other characters and I think that is what was missing from this film. With only grizzly Sabretooth to bounce off, Wolvey feels a bit flat and his jokes come out trite. Bring on Wolverine and Rogue: A Road Trip.